I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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