Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
