I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
