dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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