So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize