Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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