Don't you send me to vm
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
