I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
