i can't believe i had my finger in that
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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