i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
