Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
