when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize