How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
