Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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