Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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