Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
