well you can't waste a boner
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
