i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
