So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize