Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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