Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
