he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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