Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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