I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
