im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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