Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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