Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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