I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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