i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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