Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
