Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
