ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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