yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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