Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
