i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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