I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
