rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
