you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
