I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
