I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you never un-have a 4some
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
