all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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