Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
zippers are such a cool invention
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
