Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
