i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
