Nicole vs. Life
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Come on in and take your pants off
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