....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You are the jesus of drinking
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize