please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
