Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
