if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
