Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize