onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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