i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
