is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
