i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
