..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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