Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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