There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
