great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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