I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
