it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
