So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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