Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
