also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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