God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
