I bet he comes in French.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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