Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
