her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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