Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
