just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
