Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
